Eatrunswag’s WORST of 2012

30 Dec

Worst of 2012:

WHAT A YEAR- right?? The Olympics delivered, the NCAA saw the birth of a new mileage hog superstar, and we learned track girls like to get dirty too (well any of us on college teams already knew this). But for every good thing that happened in the sport this year, about 5 bad things happened. While performance-wise it was a great year, the political and media side of the sport continually dropped the ball, or, for puns sake, the baton.

So without further adieu, I present to you the eatrunswag list of the biggest fails of 2012 in no particular order.

(FYI- I just typed this in a McDonalds in Amarillo, Texas. Still 5 hours more to drive today. #DEDICATION )

NYC marathon handling:
No disrespect to anybody effected by Sandy, much love. But holy hell, the handling of the NYC marathon was a total sh-tshow. Regardless of what side you were on, I think we can all agree that the non running American public watched in amusement as directors and officials decided what to do at the last minute. I did enjoy hearing, however, stories of some of the world’s best marathoners getting absolutely blasted upon hearing about the cancellation and showing up to the press meeting the following day very hungover. Ask your local elite marathoner for specifics.
(My 2012 post about it: http://eatrunswag.com/2012/11/04/breaking-news-with-nyc-marathon-cancellation-all-in-ny-back-to-normal/)

The perfect storm of idiocy

The perfect storm of idiocy

Doping road racer-
Because we seemed to enjoy making our sport even more of a joke to the public eye this year, one of the few running related stories to make it to mainstream media (NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/15/sports/runner-christian-hesch-describes-doping-with-epo.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 ) was the story about Christian Hesch using PEDs to win road races. Here’s to hoping this scumbag never wins another fun run again.

I don't always dope. But when I do, I make sure I do ridiculous things like pushups before the finish line to show people how much of a douche I am

I don’t always dope. But when I do, I make sure I do ridiculous things like pushups before the finish line to show people how much of a douche I am

Lance Armstrong-
Dude, rough finish to this year.. Now I don’t really care about you being a cheater, because I assumed you were doping anyway, and I assume anybody in the top 50 is juicing. You were still probably the best since everybody else was on the same stuff, but you probably should just stop lying. Enjoy being very broke soon I guess..

2013 is going to suck more than a Ryan Reynolds movie :'(

2013 is going to suck more than a Ryan Reynolds movie :’(

USATF
With the current ‘fiscal cliff’ nonsense going on due to the apparent inability of our lovely government to be able to focus on the needs of the American people, it’s fitting that one of the BIGGEST FAILS of the year was USATF and their sketchy ass way of keeping American track and field athletes poor. Big ups to Nick Symmonds for actually being useful for something other than slamming beers, babes, and 800m races. I sure hope the next USATF president knows what they’re doing. I also hope he/she will let all this trash talking I’ve done towards the USATF slide should I eventually become good and want to run in a respectable meet <3
(My post on Rule 40: http://eatrunswag.com/2012/07/29/rule-40-the-keep-em-poor-rule/ )

Hey gurl, I know you're busy screwing up our sport, but I just wanna make a few bucks. I believe in you <3

Hey gurl, I know you’re busy screwing up our sport, but I just wanna make a few bucks. I believe in you <3

ALAN WEBB-
Ok call me a douche but I just don’t think it’s at all impressive when AN AMERICAN RECORD HOLDER makes a ‘comeback’ by running VERY mediocre college times. It makes for some entertaining letsrun comments and sure makes my job easier though. ALAN- STOP being a head case, you are a good runner. I actually do have faith you have some good races in you yet.

If we could even just get this Webb back in 2013...

If we could even just get this Webb back in 2013…

Message board posters and blog commenters -
First- some of the commenters on my blog. Jesus Christ. For the 100th time, this blog is in existence for the sole purpose of adding some fun criticism into this sport. I was tired of how boring running blogs were. (I’m sorry but I’d rather re-read the Scarlett Letter than read a daily inspirational running blog. That stuff is similar to the mundaneness of Christian worship music in my book). Every time I poke fun at some elite runner I get hoards of middle aged hobby joggers calling me full of myself and an a-hole.
Second- letsrun posters, re-read this post: I definitely LOVE letsrun, don’t get me wrong, the front page is fantastic. But the message board can frequently get SUPER racist. Damn y’all. It’s 2012.
(Post on this from 2012- http://eatrunswag.com/2012/05/17/letsrunmessageboardposters/ )

This.

This.

Nike-
You let that sketchy ass agent Block into your tent at the trials despite him supposed to have been serving a ban from the sport for BEING A CHEATER ( http://www.letsrun.com/2012/block-0701.php ). Also, kicking out the Brooks guys. We understand you make good product but do y’all have to be such dicks about it?

ADIDAS.

ADIDAS.

Sub 2 marathon dude, training with weights.-
Nice article written by my skinny dipping partner Ryan Sterner on Flotrack on this guy: http://www.flotrack.org/article/13438-Hobie-Call-Sub-2-Hour-Marathoner

His 24min lunging mile world record, however, is quite impressive.

His 24min lunging mile world record, however, is quite impressive.

Geared up runners-
This post: http://eatrunswag.com/2012/09/21/running-in-groups-with-ipods-stop-this-madness/ . You hobby joggers never fail to make me hate this sport.

KILL IT WITH FIRE

KILL IT WITH FIRE

Ashton Eaton ESPN-
Ok I don’t have to preach to the choir here, I’m sure all of you are in agreement that Ashton Eaton’s world record and Olympuc victory were some of the greatest performances in the history of sports. But ESPN rated some kid catching a baseball in his hat higher than his performance.. Although I guess we shouldn’t take to much stock in a program that allows Lou “Lispy” Holtz and Steven “I know his mother” Smith to be official representatives for football and basketball.

ONLY 10th!!!???

ONLY 10th!!!???

Paul Ryan marathon lie-
Lying about your marathon time as a politician is as ridiculous as lying about your marathon time as politician. Who cares, why would you lie about such a trivial thing? Oh well, gotta give the repubs credit for being 2 for 2 on running sexy Vice Presidential candidates. Here’s my politician PR post from 2012: http://eatrunswag.com/2012/11/06/election-day-post-politician-prs/

I know how you're so fit, because you've been running through my mind all day

I know how you’re so fit, because you’ve been running through my mind all day

God-
To be fair, the big guy probably tops a ‘best of’ list if I was to make one as nearly every athlete who won an event in London was only able to do so because he let them (read this fellow wolverine’s post, SPOT ON: http://rustywoods.wordpress.com/2012/07/02/jesus-the-don-draper-of-the-2012-us-olympic-trials/ )) but for every athlete that didn’t win.. Well, it was part of his plan. And his plan for you just isn’t as fun as Usain Bolt’s, sorry bout it!

I was gunna make humans run sub 2 hours in the marathon..but then I got  too busy with my creation of AIDS and what not

I was gunna make humans run sub 2 hours in the marathon..but then I got too busy with my creation of AIDS and what not lol sorry my bad!

Me-
Very inconsistent, disappears for long stretches of time, picks on famous runners, isn’t that good of a runner, etc. sorry, maybe ill be better this new year.

Stashie's for Nashies went well this year.

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2 Responses to “Eatrunswag’s WORST of 2012”

  1. ari December 31, 2012 at 1:54 am #

    you’re gonna have to link me to the fuckface talking about the sub 2 marathon with weightlifting

  2. frank February 4, 2013 at 12:24 am #

    “You were still probably the best since everybody else was on the same stuff”

    I disagree, and so does the experts. Lance Armstrongs doping regime was on an entirely different level, also his low hemocrit level suggest he is one who have extremely good effect of doping, not every have.

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