Archive | June, 2011

Keeping Austin Weird

30 Jun

Howdy y’all.  This past weekend was the 9th annual Keep Austin Weird Festival which climaxes with the weirdest 5k road race you’ve ever seen.  You can claim that your town has some odd characters but if your town isn’t Austin, your weirdest townspeople don’t even come close to our just semi-odd Austinites.

Leslie-Austin's most famous cross-dressing homeless man. He's run for Mayor 3 times.

In Austin, expressing yourself is not just encouraged but also celebrated with an entire festival.  As runners, we are all a little odd already.  We trot about in absurdly short shorts, finish 15 mile runs before most people have even woken up, and get just as excited watching a 25 lap race on TV as most Americans get for the Super Bowl.

We Idolize a ‘damn hippie’ who died drunk driving in a car crash!

To give anything less than your best..

Well at the Keep Austin Weird 5k, it’s the perfect time to let your freak flag fly.  They give out free food during the race ( I heard there was ice cream being passed out!), there is a contest for “Best Costume”, and there are no age group awards. It’s a ‘race’ that you don’t race (unless you’re an idiot like me..) Here’s the outfit I decided to run in:

Sexy Jorts ❤

Lookin good bb

I had planned on just ‘going easy’ and ‘enjoying the race’.  But then I remembered, I pretty much only enjoy races when I win.  So I won. In 15:40. Swag.  Here’s some advice: DONT EVER RUN IN JORTS.   Lets just say the chaffing I got was not worth it.

Hot Damn, Girl

My outfit may have been pretty ‘wild’, but my fellow Austinites were a lot more creative than me.

HAWT and HOT at the same time.

It's ok, the guy they ate was an Aggie

If I had kids, I don't think I'd let them anywhere near this guy.

If you’ve ever wanted to run in an outfit weirder than what you already run in, definitely come out to this race next year. Help us Keep Austin Weird.

– The band “Alpha Rev” played at the festival.  They are great check them out here and support local music:

–  Props to Cate W. for telling me to write about the Keep Austin Weird 5k today as I was sitting around half naked not knowing what to blog about today

– Ryan Fenton, I challenge you to a 5k by the end of the summer.


Centrowitz: America’s New Champion

28 Jun

Hey y’all.  So I signed on my blog tonight to make a new post and I saw something that shocked/confused the hell out of me.  I’ve had 800 views today.  I usually average about 50-60 views a day and I’m happy with that.  So if somebody could tell me where all the views came from it’d be much appreciated!  Anyway, since y’all seem to like the one post I did about Rupp and running so much, I suppose I shall try and do some more posts like that!



To you new viewers: I’ve had some comments/emails about how it was ‘unfair’ to trash Galen Rupp in that post.
A.) This is meant to be a pretty funny blog, if you have no sense of humor take your talents elsewhere Lebron.
B.) I’d make an apology saying how I respect Galen Rupp and such, but thats not my style.  Swag.

Now for today’s post….

I’m sure many of you guys (I’m trying to use y’all less via negative feedback) watched the USA Track and Field Championships this past weekend.  There were some pretty impressive performances, but one stood out far above the rest.

Matt Freaking Centrowitz’s win in the 1500.

In a race with the cream of the crop of American (plus Kenyan & Sudanese) distance running, who would have predicted that Matt Centrowitz at 21 years of age would take home the W?

Obviously he did with a BALLSY AS HELL move with 200m to go.


Ok enough of the recap that’s been done a million times in the past few days.  Here’s why I did this post:

Remember the post I did about Peter Pan Galen Rupp the other day?  Centro is the direct opposite of that dude.

Shortly after this Galen asked for his autograph

Centro isn’t your token pale white distance runner, the dude looks like he’s spent some time at the beach with your girlfriend.

Mr. Steal Your Girl

Instead of being famous for ridiculously awkward poses like Rupp, his most famous pose is INCREDIBLY BADASS.
“The Throat Slit/Silencer”


The son of Matt Centrowitz Sr. (Olympian, 4 time USA champ, and former 5000m AR holder), and brother of Lauren Centrowitz (current pro runner for New Balance), it’s obvious that this dude and his family are direct descendants from Zeus or must have Adonis DNA like Mr. Sheen.

Your family pales in comparison to theirs, sorry.

Could Centro be the next great American miler?  I hope so.  Assuming he get’s himself that B-Standard, I can’t wait to see what he can do on the World stage this summer.

Side notes
–  Props to Austin, Texas boy Leo Manzano qualifying with his famous last 100m dash
–  Did anybody else think Wheating looked a little big? Slim down broseph
–  Despite his loss in the finals, I think Robby Andrews still ranks as the 2nd biggest badass behind Centro.
–  Does Alan Webb still run?

Pretty Girl Swag

25 Jun

Ok, girls with nice boobs are hott.  Girls with blonde hair are hott.  Brunettes are hott.  Redheads, Puerto Ricans, and hipster chicks are hott.

But you know what really gets me going, y’all?


Swag it out bb

I bring to y’all my list of the most SWAGGED THE EFF OUT chicks in the game.


The Queen of Lezbo Swag furreal

Ellen has a hilarious show, a super banging hot wife, a mad fresh dougie, and Lil B has an entire song about her. Swag.  If I was a girl she could convert me into a lesbian for sure.

Nice Steeze bb

Bottoms Up Y'all

Everybody knows that Uffie was the first Ke$ha.  She’s like the Ke$ha of Williamsburg.  This girl has the ‘skanky’ swag.
# 5 Dijonay Jones from the Proud Family


Before the word swag even existed this chick was killin hoes and swaggin out on the Disney Channel.

# 4 Lady Gaga

Born This Way bb

Nice Pokerface bb

Lady Gaga is weird as hell.  Swag and weird kinda go hand in hand though, so Lady Gaga is SWAG as hell.  This chicks level of swag turns me on furreal. I’ll go to the Edge of Glory with you.

# 3 Kreayshawn

Damn girl whatchu sippin on


Gucci Gucci Bluntz

Kreayshawn hangs with Lil B, smokes purple ‘all day’, and is rising to fame via Youtube.  Watch ‘Gucci Gucci’, you’ll fall in love.  Love ya gurl ❤

# 2 Justin Bieber

Baby, Baby, oh!


Chunk up the deuce bb!


Damn this chick has so much swag.  She single handedly turned every 8-23 year old girl in ‘Merica into a lesbian.  Watch out Ellen this chick is comin to take your lezbo swag queen crown!



Barbie Girl Swag

Blinged the Eff Out

Dat Ass


Nicki Minaj is the baddest, most swagged the eff out, ill b!tch in the game aiight?  I’ve had steamy dreams about this girl.  From her multiple personalities on Yeezy’s “Monster” to her maple syrup butt, everything about this girl screams SWAG.

And I love it.


Need a good hip hop playlist to turn your swag on to? Audrey put out a gangsta-ass playlist full of songs you’ve probably heard yesterday. Check it @ (link on the blogroll too)


❤ y’all, I”m over a 1000 views now!

The Infamous Galen Rupp

24 Jun

To all my non-runner readers, you’ll probably have no idea what I’m talking about. Galen Rupp is a runner who might be a real life version of Peter Pan.

To errbody else, we all know of Galen Rupp’s antics.  In case you’ve only looked at or heard about his race results and have never actually seen videos or photos of him racing, here’s a quick recap for y’all.

The “Rupp Jersey Taunt”

lookin happy bro


I think maybe his jersey is just too tight?


Ok, now I’ll admit, that Rupp-ism has some Swag.  But it gets worse..


The Breathe-Rupp strips.


Nice Spandex Tank Bro


Nice guns bro


The ridiculous pre and post race poses.

I have no words for this..

This kid looks less intimidating than 6 year old girls, yo



Now as ridiculous as all those photos are, I was still a Rupp fan until just recently.  His last two technical fouls were just so outrageous I had to jump on the Rupp-hating bandwagon. Here’s what he did:

Pre-Classic 10k

Rupp pulled out of what could have been an epic battle against Chris Solinsky in the 10k due to “High Pollen Levels”.  Dude, you’ve lived in Oregon YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. Man up.  Pete Sampras played through the flu, puked on the court on the 5th set and still won. Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ACL and a broken leg.  Jordan scored 38 points in an NBA final game with the flu, etc., etc.  And Galen pulled out because the pollen count was too high… *Facepalm*

USA Track and Field National Championships 2011 (yesterday)

Yesterday morning various running sites were getting us all excited about another potential Solinsky vs. Rupp showdown.  Come racetime, Solinsky was nowhere to be found (but interestingly enough, Teg was in the race).  When the camera panned across the competitors on the starting line I lost it when they showed Rupp.


What the hell dude?


Apparently the race once again was not Rupp-Certified.  Yet he had no choice but to run or he’d forfeit a trip to World’s.  So he decided to race ~6000m of the race wearing a paintball mask.  Or maybe it was Hannibal Lector’s mask. I don’t know, I do know that something about his face just made me want to hit it.



Rupp just makes it too easy to dislike him.  Wish he could be more ‘edgy’ and ‘cool’ like Solinsky and Dathan, or ‘nice’ like Lagat.
Is this why America doesn’t care about distance running?
Should Galen do something crazy like make a sex tape or beat his girlfriend to get more people to like Track and Field?
Will Galen ever look like he’s older than 16?

Hope I can like you again bro, you could be our great white hope.

Summer Movies 2011

22 Jun

Yesterday was the first official day of summer y’all.

Summer should bring to mind many things:

Hot girls barely wearing clothes

Lookin good bb!

What was I talking about again? I got distracted..

Oh yeah.

Summer brewski’s with your broski’s

Mexican Champagne

And School’s Out For Summer (Via Alice Cooper)

No more teacher's dirty looks


But perhaps one of the best things about summer are the super sexy, explosion filled, and entertaining Summer Blockbusters.

Now I’m gunna be honest y’all, outside of the summer months these movies really aren’t my thing. Ask me to watch a Michael Bay movie in the Fall and I’ll tell you that I’d rather pay a homeless person to piss in my eyes.  Ask me to watch Transformers 3 in July, and sure, I’ll go cheer on Even Stevens as he takes on evil robot monsters from space.

Miss you M-Fox ❤


Summer is not the time to look for ‘deep’ meanings in movies.  It’s summer y’all.  Chillax and ride those chillwaves.  Save the intelligent stuff for the fall when we’ve got our fake glasses and pea-coats on (gotta look good y’all.)

Summer is the time for going to the movies with friends and enjoying the simple magic of CGI, Aliens, Superheroes, Jack Sparrow, and J.K. Freaking Rowling (#TeamDumbledore).


This summer offers up some pretty good “Summer Blockbusters”.

In the Superhero category we have:
Green Lantern
X-Men First Class
Captain America: The First Avenger 

In the Animation Category we have:
Kung Fu Panda 3
Cars 2
The Smurfs 

And the Everything Else Category:
Pirates 4
Cowboys Vs. Aliens
Hangover 2
Super 8
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt. 2
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The Zookeeper


Quite an impressive list. Almost overwhelming.  I don’t have the time or money to see all of these y’all, and you probably don’t either. So choose wisely.  I can recommend Super 8, X-men, and Thor. All very solid movies.  Perhaps a review to come of Super 8 later.

Best Movie Villain of the Summer Y'all

Feel excited/sad/scared about the final Harry Potter.  Part of my childhood dying y’all.

Dumbledore's Army


So stop being a hipster for a little.  Forget about good acting, intricate plots, and crazy lesbian ballet dancers.  It’s the summer.  Turn off your brain a little and enjoy some good ol’ Good Vs. Evil, ass kicking, and CGI filled cinema fun.


Quick Note- That being said, please avoid The Zookeeper. If you actually pay to see his movies, you’re letting Kevin James win. And therefore the terrorists win. Do you really want that?


Thank you, Dad

19 Jun

It’s Father’s Day y’all.  Today is a day to hang out with the old man, have a game of catch, and tell him “thanks, dude.”

Here are some reasons you should thank your dad today.

1.) He has had to put up with your mom for WAY longer than you have.

He's been in the "doghouse" more times than your dog.

2.) He chose your favorite sports teams for you before you were even born.

America's team

3.)  He will always be more badass than you.

Hittin the weights bro?

4.) Your dad made it to your age without the internet, laptops, gps, Blu-Ray, or even digital cable and he somehow survived.  

My dad as a teenager > Me as a teenager

5.) Your dad will always be your biggest fan…

Go Blue!




6.)  Your dad had to put up with you pissing your pants, dragging him to Pokemon:The Movie, going through puberty, getting in trouble, parent teacher conferences, your fads and phases, and the awful music you’ve made him listen to in HIS car.

He put up with THIS.

7.) He taught you how to catch and throw a ball, swear, man-up, and never give up.

And finally:

8.) Your dad would do and has done everything he possibly can to provide you with a better life, whether it be working late hours, dealing with asshole bosses, putting in overtime, or even spending a few years in Afghanistan.

Come home safe, dude

Thank your dads today.  They deserve it.

Love my family, love my dad.


18 Jun

I’m going to be honest y’all, I’d never heard of this “Juneteenth” holiday until I saw it as a TT in Austin (for you old people, that stands for Trending Topic. On Twitter.)

I’m here to educate y’all.

As we all know (via Wikipedia) the slaves were officially freed in America on January 1st, 1863, 100 days after Honest Abe issued the Emancipation Proclamation.  (Y’all can be free, but um, I need that new fence 100 days from now!)

Abe's best friends were black

Some of the more chill states in the Union were like “Yeah, you know what? Slavery is wrong!”.  TEXAS on the other hand, was worried that black people would take over if they were freed (via the NBA).  So Texas decided not to listen to those damn yankee rules and they kept making blacks do all the work for an extra TWO YEARS.

Need to get me one of them wenches y'all!

It wasn’t until June 18th, 1865 when Union General Granger rolled with his crew to Galveston, TX, that the laws abolishing slavery were enforced.  The 19th is when General Granger gave a speech declaring them free and today the holiday is celebrated on the 18th and 19th of June.

General Granger- "Y'all are free! No more discrimination because of your skin color ever! Just don't date my daughter.."

Common Juneteenth traditions include families tracing their ancestry back to slaves, parties, parades, and the traditional black sports basketball, football, track, and anything that doesn’t involve water (joking y’all).

See you there bb's

So to all my African-American friends in Texas (I have lot’s y’all) enjoy the celebrations.  Although you should probably have “What the hell Texas?” celebrations instead, because they kept y’all waiting 2 full years to the party.  Shame on y’all Texas!