How to Creep Out Girls and Embarrass Yourself: A Re-Telling of an Unfortunate Event

19 Jun

Good news, my blog is officially a year old.  I just renewed it today,  over 200,000 views in the first year!!! And I started off getting about 30 views a day for the first month. So thanks for following my incredibly inconsistent posts y’all ❤

Anyway, I got the idea for my blog post today while eating lunch with Ryan Fenton and Alex Lohr.  NAAAAMMEEE DROPPPPP.
They are taking off to Eugene for the Trials soon and Ryan said “Zach, your girl is going to be out there!”.  I was like “Um. What?”.  I was thinking to myself “well, my girlfriend isn’t because she’s in Michigan.  Who is he talking about?”.  Then he told me to think about it for a while.  And then…Ding!  Emma Coburn.  Ryan has never let me live my “blooper” from my junior year down.

If you haven’t seen it, and this is your first time, well…you’re in for a treat.  Honestly I HATE watching this and it’s probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve done besides peeing my pants during a little league game back in 6th or 7th grade (any excuse to let me leave those boring ass games!).

As a preface to watching this, here is some info you should know:

Here is Emma, in case you know nothing about women’s track and field:

She’s good at sports.

and here is me:

I’m too sexy for my retainer, too sexy for my retainer, too sexy to keep both eyes open!

I had talked to Emma once before this, briefly, after the steeple about 2 weeks earlier at the Great Southwest Invitational.  After my race, I was in a kind of happy/dazed state where I just wanted to tell her good job and well, ya know, she’s a blonde and stuff, so I guess I stuck around a little longer than normal.  My dorky self didn’t realize there was a camera that I was standing directly in the frame of.  The rest is history…
(Idk how to embed, just click the link below, tell me if it doesn’t work.  Technology n00b here.)

http://www.flotrack.org/embed/ODc0MTA4MDIw?related=1http://www.flotrack.org/embed/ODc0MTA4MDIw?related=1<p><a href=”http://www.flotrack.org/video/108020-Best-Blooper-of-2008″>Watch more videos on Flotrack</a></p>

Seconds 1:38-1:48
Official tells me that it’s just about time for awards for my race and I should head over there (I won the weakest event at NON).

I never was a good listener.

1:50
I decide I’m gunna stick around and “get some water” first.

There was no turning back after this point.

1:50-2:13
I’m hanging out off camera, not ruining Emma’s interview. Good boy Zach!

WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST STAY THERE, DUDE??

2:14-2:16
WTF ARE YOU DOING ZACH???  This is where it starts. It only gets worse from here on out.

HOPE YA DIDN’T MISS ME WHILE I WAS GONE, BABY

2:30
I’m not sure if that’s steeple water, or ass sweat.  Either way it’s making an appearance in the video.

Yep. Def. Ass sweat

2:35
Dear lord. I’m wiping snot off my face with my elbow.  Somebody come tell me I’m in the way of this interview, please God!

Nah man fuck tissues. I gots elbows.

2:42
Notice how many sips I took of this small water cup.  Wanna know a secret? There wasn’t any water left in there.. Kill me now.

Sippin on some of that air.

2:47
As if I couldn’t do anything more embarrassing than stalk this poor girl and ruin her interview, I scratch my butt.

Yep, that’s the spot!

3:11
I give up, finally, maybe some other time.  One track mind, off to awards now, better hurry!

I’m just gunna pretend I wasn’t awkwardly creeping and go get my award meow

3:16
I start jogging. WHY, NOO WHYYY

3:19
You can hear a loud “bing” type noise.  The noise that is made when a spike collides with an inside rail and a dorky runner falls on his face on the infield.

The Grand…

FINALE.

3:20
Ryan starts laughing, knowing he got this whole thing on tape.

3:22
I walk off in shame as an official comes to try and help me.

It was painful reliving this.  I’d like to think I’m less awkward and dorky by now. Idk my girlfriend  and close friends might tell you otherwise.

But this is the 4 year anniversary, as Flotrack tweeted, of this monumental event in my life.  I think I can finally look back on it and say “wow, haha, what a dork I was! Glad I grew up!”

My sincerest apologies, Emma, if you ever were to read this, for any embarrassment I may have caused you.  Despite my actions in this video I am not a creepy stalker.  Good luck at the trials, we’re all hoping to see you kick some ass!  And maybe, one day, if you’ll forgive me, an interview for this blog would be great!

I have 40 shirts I need to sell and all I need to do is set up the online store.  More info on that in the next post.  Until next time…

Eat. Run. Swag.

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3 Responses to “How to Creep Out Girls and Embarrass Yourself: A Re-Telling of an Unfortunate Event”

  1. KrisLawrence June 20, 2012 at 1:04 am #

    I am dying. That is HYSTERICAL!

  2. Bryan Burns June 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    Zach, Geoff sent me the link of your “incident” awhile ago, but your commentary put it over the top. I just spit my morning coffee all over my desk at school laughing. Outstanding. Hope you are doing well.

    Mr Burns

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