Election Day Post: Politician PR’s

6 Nov

I thought of possibly doing another satire piece but there is already going to be enough political arguments going on in everybody’s Facebook feeds today.  So here is a list of the fastest politicians, enjoy!
(NOTE: These are American politicians only)

Paul Ryan (His REAL time): 4:01:25

He may be a liar and kind of a sh1tty person, but he is still a beautiful, beautiful man.

Michele Bachmann- 21:52 5k

She didn’t even train, just ran on pure hate

Rick Perry- Former avid triathlete, 1:42:17 half marathon, 21min 5k

Shorts over tights!! NOOOOO RICK PERRY NOO!!!

Sarah Palin- 3:59:36

Don’t try to outrun this cougar!

Palin gets a high ranking because she ran her sub 4 on frozen ice keeping her eyes on the Russians.

George W. Bush: 3:44:52 Marathon, 5k PR- SUB 20min


Michael Dukakis: 3:31:00

He did better in this race than his vice-presidential run

John Edwards: 3:30:18

Presumably he got his mileage in while running to his mistress’s house

Harry Reid: 3:16 at Boston

This mormon leaves Romney in the dust

Max Baucus: 3:01:18


Who the hell is Max Baucus?





Barack Obama: sub 13 5k

Guys, he’s a Kenyan, duh!

Ron Paul: 220yd PR 22.2, 440yd PR 51.2!!!!

State champ in the 1800’s!


Jim Ryun: 3:51 mile

Clear winner in this race.



6 Responses to “Election Day Post: Politician PR’s”

  1. ari November 6, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

    did ron paul actually drop a 51.2 400m?

    • Cameron Foreman November 6, 2012 at 7:32 pm #

      No, he ran a 51.2 440y. It’s a bit farther. Also, I think the 220y is more impressive.

      I read somewhere that he ran both of those times at the state meet on a track that had 2 inches of standing water. Libertarians are hardcore.

  2. OrnelasisaBITCH November 8, 2012 at 12:36 am #

    Jimmy Carter ran XC for naval academy

    • Jonathan S. November 8, 2012 at 4:00 am #

      Did Obama really run a sub-13 minute 5k?

      • M. Jazy November 13, 2012 at 12:50 am #

        Sub-13, it was sub-12 . . . and the legend continues.


  1. Eatrunswag’s WORST of 2012 « eatrunswag - December 30, 2012

    […] Election Day Post: Politician PR’s […]

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