Tag Archives: Michele Bachmann

Election Day Post: Politician PR’s

6 Nov

I thought of possibly doing another satire piece but there is already going to be enough political arguments going on in everybody’s Facebook feeds today.  So here is a list of the fastest politicians, enjoy!
(NOTE: These are American politicians only)

Paul Ryan (His REAL time): 4:01:25

He may be a liar and kind of a sh1tty person, but he is still a beautiful, beautiful man.

Michele Bachmann- 21:52 5k

She didn’t even train, just ran on pure hate

Rick Perry- Former avid triathlete, 1:42:17 half marathon, 21min 5k

Shorts over tights!! NOOOOO RICK PERRY NOO!!!

Sarah Palin- 3:59:36

Don’t try to outrun this cougar!

Palin gets a high ranking because she ran her sub 4 on frozen ice keeping her eyes on the Russians.

George W. Bush: 3:44:52 Marathon, 5k PR- SUB 20min

GEORGE BUSH HATES SLOW PEOPLE

Michael Dukakis: 3:31:00

He did better in this race than his vice-presidential run

John Edwards: 3:30:18

Presumably he got his mileage in while running to his mistress’s house

Harry Reid: 3:16 at Boston

This mormon leaves Romney in the dust

Max Baucus: 3:01:18

 

Who the hell is Max Baucus?

Gary Johnson: IRONMAN 10hrs39min, CLIMBED MOUNT EVEREST

 

I VOTED FOR YOU ❤

 

Barack Obama: sub 13 5k

Guys, he’s a Kenyan, duh!

Ron Paul: 220yd PR 22.2, 440yd PR 51.2!!!!

State champ in the 1800’s!

 

Jim Ryun: 3:51 mile

Clear winner in this race.