Tag Archives: USATF

Christmas Carols: EatRunSwag style.

25 Dec

Merry Christmas (Eve) y’all.  While in the Christmas spirit I decided to rip off write a few Christmas carols for the rare ERS blog post.  I’ll have some more up tomorrow, probably one revolving around our girl Suzy Favors for everybody Hamilton, and the like.

Look for the Best of/Worst of 2012 lists to come soon!

PS- if you wanna give me an xmas present, snapchat me at eatrunswag , I’m a snapchat fiend.

The Adidas Cadence just don't compare :( (Shoutout to whoever I stole this picture from.)

The Adidas Cadence just don’t compare 😦 (Shoutout to whoever I stole this picture from, Bailey.)

O Victories

O Victories! O Victories!
Thy Flywire is so amazing;
O Victories! O Victories!
Thy Flywire is so amazing;
Not only good for the 15,
But also good for sub 14.
O Victories! O Victories!
Thy Flywire is so amazing!

O Victories! O Victories!
Much pleasure thou can’st give me;
O Victories! O Victories!
Much pleasure thou can’st give me;
But unfortunately,
My school is not Nike,
O victories! O Victories!
Much pleasure thou cannot give me 😦

O victories! O Victories!
Sometimes I wish we were Nike.
Oh victories oh victories,
Sometimes I wish we were Nike.
I love Adidas trainers and shirts,
But hate their shorts that look like miniskirts,
Oh victories oh victories,
No spike can compare to thee.

WARNING: This next song is tasteless, offensive, and the typical satirical thing you’d find on this site. All you adults, Oregon fans, pre’s family members, and my typical hate mail senders should just skip this one.
This is wrong.. Wrong that I don't have photoshop and couldn't put a grandma in this pic :'(

This is wrong.. Wrong that I don’t have photoshop and couldn’t put a grandma in this pic 😥

Grandma Got Run Over By A Runner

Grandma got run over by a runner
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Pre’s ghost
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

She’d been drinkin’ too much ‘egg nog’
And we’d begged her not to go
But she said the roads would be clear,
And stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin’
At the scene of the crash,
There were Nike swooshes on her forehead
And incriminatin’ Green O’s on her back

Grandma got run over by a runner,
Drunk driving a gold MG Christmas eve,
You can say there’s no such thing as pre’s ghost,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Now were all so proud of Grandpa
He’s been takin’ this so wonderfully,
See him in there watchin’ Bekele’s 5k,
Drinkin’ beer and playin’ cards with Kara G.

Grandma got run over by a runner
Who mowed her down with his car on Christmas eve,
You can say there’s no such thing as Pre’s ghost.
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

I’ve warned all my friends and fellow runners,
Better watch out for your lives,
They should never give a license
To a man who drinks and drives.

Grandma got run over by a runner
Driving home from a party on Christmas eve,
You can say there’s no such thing as Pre’s ghost,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!

I wouldn't touch you with a 16foot pole vault pole!

I wouldn’t touch you with a 16foot pole vault pole!

Mrs Usatf ( you grinch!)

You’re a mean one, Mrs. USATF,
You really don’t treat your athletes right!
You take all of their profits,
So their wins are always really losses,
Mrs. USATF!
You’re a greasy slimy organization,
With plenty of misinformation,
You’re a monster, Mrs. USATF!

Christmas- Rupp Certified

Christmas- Rupp Certified

Ruppdolph the Face Masked Runner

RUPP-dolph the face masked runner,
Had a really sensitive nose,
And if you ever saw his skin tone,
You would even say it glows,

All of the other runners,
Used to laugh and call him names (like Peter Pan!)
They never let him join them,
In all the other runner games (like the beer mile)

Then one foggy August eve,
Salazar came to say,
Ruppdolf with your tactics so right,
Won’t you guide my Mo tonight,

Then how the runners loved him,
Even yours truly,
Ruppdolph the face masked runner,
Your 10k will go down in history.

Keep dreaming

Keep dreaming

A White Christmas Dream for Cam Levins (Give me a day off!)

I’m dreaming of a day off this Christmas,
My last day off was years ago,
30 miles run yesterday,
Calf muscles in constant pain,
Doubles and triples in the snow.

I’m dreaming of a day off on Christmas,
With every mile that I run,
May your days be merry and bright,
While you’re opening presents ill be trudging through the white

I’m dreaming of a day off this Christmas
190 miles a week is getting old,
May your days be merry and bright
While Im out here training in the cold 😦
Merry Christmas (Eve) !!

Ian Stewart and Stephanie Hightower: The most hated couple in Track and Field.

17 Jul

(I’m not sure how “slander” lawsuits work, so I think it’s necessary to point out any quotes in this post aren’t real)

Unless you’ve been without internet for the last week, undoubtably you’ve heard of the fiasco that occurred at the London Diamond League meeting this past weekend.

(Ironically none of the athletes can afford a diamond..)

In case you haven’t heard yet, both Lolo “Virgin Mary” Jones and Nick “One Night In Paris” Symmonds were barred from competing in the meet. The athletes were barred and told by meet director Ian “Suck-ass” Stewart that they were “a liability” and would not be allowed to participate in meets that he directed.
Wait, what?

Two Olympians and two of the most famous track and field athletes IN THE WORLD were too much of a liability to appear at a meet?
LOLO JONES a liability? The girl that won’t round past 3rd base? Afraid she’d give too many athletes/fans blue balls?

Blue. Balls.

Nick Symmonds a liability? Having an American try and chase good times and make a race intresting is too dangerous? Afraid he’d whip it out and slay Paris Hilton after the finish line?

A liability for being too…adorable?

In reality these athletes were not allowed to compete because of their views on how their advertising and sponsorship rights.

(Read this awesome blog on the situation:

http://tracksuperfan.com/symmonds-stewart-controversy    )

See Lolo and Nick have this “BATSHIT CRAZY” idea that they should be able to make at least as much money as an elementary school teacher. Ha, Greedy Bastards right???

As the article I posted states, 50 percent of the top American Track and Field athletes make more than 15,000 a year from the sport. Did you hear about that high schooler that was busted for a marijuana dealing ring in Ohio a few days ago? He was making 20 GRAND A MONTH. Or howabout Drew Brees signing a ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR five year contract this past weekend?

And Stewart is worried about these athletes making a few extra bucks with a Red Bull logo on their headband or a temporary tattoo on their shoulder?

He even looks like an asshole.

Now as if having one sport ruining meet official wasn’t bad enough, the man just happens to be married to the head dictator at USATF, Stephanie Hightower.

Stephanie was having mood problems due to “that time of the month” at the USATF Convention back in December and allegedly she threatened to castrate any athlete who dare to defy her shitty rules.

“Let them eat cake”- Stephanie Hightower

After doing minimal research, I’ve found out why Stephanie is such a terrible person. She’s a buckeye.  Figures.

I just threw up in my mouth.

Ian Stewart and Stephanie Hightower have become the most evil couple in sports.  I would call them the Bonnie and Clyde of Track, but Bonnie and Clyde actually had some style/swag.

Like Clyde, it seems Stewart is also whipped.

They are as out of touch with the US athletes as Mitt Romney is with the average American.

I’ve been honestly trying to comprehend why the two would be such dicks about the situation.  I mean, they’re head officials in track and field.  I love our sport to death, but damn these two have egos like they were head NFL/NBA mangers/officials.  Let’s be real, you’re not ever going to make 10 million a year being a major official/president in track, so give up this head trip or continue to ruin the image of track and field in the US.

ELECT SOMEBODY NEW IN 2012! SUPPORT THE MOVEMENT!

Next post on Thursday is a much happier interview with Olympian Emma Coburn!

PS- There are only about 8 t-shirts left on the webstore!! Link in the post below or the link on the right!