Tag Archives: Women

Running in Groups with iPods. STOP THIS MADNESS

21 Sep

After another hiatus, I’m back again!  Here’s a short one until I finish the interview with the Lady Wolverines (coming soon!) Anyways, the thought for this blog came to me the other day.  It was a product of my anger at this atrocity which I witness almost daily building up over years and years.  What is this atrocity I speak of?

GIRLS PEOPLE RUNNING NEXT TO EACH OTHER WHILE WEARING iPODS.

LOL yeah, let’s go running together. BUT DONT YOU DARE SAY A F*^%$@# WORD TO ME.

I have a personal connection to my hatred towards this subject.  It all started many, many years ago.  I believe it was my junior year of high school.  One of the girls on the team, a pretty decent runner at 10:30 something in the 2 mile and low 4:50s in the mile, invited me to get some miles in with her really early in the morning before school.  I said sure, sounds great!  I get to the parking lot ready run at about 6am, and I notice as soon as we’re about to start running she puts headphones on.  WUT.  Then, only a few minutes into the run I tried to start a conversation.  It was like talking to a tree.  A tree with boobs who runs next to you silently.  Every time I tried to say something, she had to pause her iPhone, and take a headphone out.  It was like those awkward newscasts where there is a delay between the question asked and the reporter in some far away area responding.  Also I had to repeat my questions twice every freaking time.

Girl from story above, plus me with braces and shiny Bieber hair.

Now I thought maybe that was a rare occurrence, because surely people usually meet to run because they like having somebody to talk to as they burn off the calories from last night’s dorm food and/or frat party, right?

WRONG.  As soon as I got to college I started seeing, mainly sorority looking girls, doing this EVERY FREAKING DAY.

Guy: “Thank God I don’t have to listen to this lady.”

This concept baffles me.  There have been runs where there is no way in hell I would have finished without having some brothers in suffering next to me.

Picture below is relevant because I’d assume people do this to purposely not have to pay attention to their workout partner.

Women, terrible people. (except for my mother sister and girlfriend)*

It’s like going to the movies with somebody and bringing your laptop so you can watch a different movie on it.

It’s like hanging out with someone else but your friend spends the entire time texting (GIRLS.)

 

If you absolutely need to listen to music to go for a run, you should probably just quit running and see if you can get a prescription for your ADD.

So, please, PUT AN END TO THIS MADNESS.

 

Unless you look like this when you exercise with an iPod. This is ok.

Big Sean likes this.

How to Creep Out Girls and Embarrass Yourself: A Re-Telling of an Unfortunate Event

19 Jun

Good news, my blog is officially a year old.  I just renewed it today,  over 200,000 views in the first year!!! And I started off getting about 30 views a day for the first month. So thanks for following my incredibly inconsistent posts y’all ❤

Anyway, I got the idea for my blog post today while eating lunch with Ryan Fenton and Alex Lohr.  NAAAAMMEEE DROPPPPP.
They are taking off to Eugene for the Trials soon and Ryan said “Zach, your girl is going to be out there!”.  I was like “Um. What?”.  I was thinking to myself “well, my girlfriend isn’t because she’s in Michigan.  Who is he talking about?”.  Then he told me to think about it for a while.  And then…Ding!  Emma Coburn.  Ryan has never let me live my “blooper” from my junior year down.

If you haven’t seen it, and this is your first time, well…you’re in for a treat.  Honestly I HATE watching this and it’s probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve done besides peeing my pants during a little league game back in 6th or 7th grade (any excuse to let me leave those boring ass games!).

As a preface to watching this, here is some info you should know:

Here is Emma, in case you know nothing about women’s track and field:

She’s good at sports.

and here is me:

I’m too sexy for my retainer, too sexy for my retainer, too sexy to keep both eyes open!

I had talked to Emma once before this, briefly, after the steeple about 2 weeks earlier at the Great Southwest Invitational.  After my race, I was in a kind of happy/dazed state where I just wanted to tell her good job and well, ya know, she’s a blonde and stuff, so I guess I stuck around a little longer than normal.  My dorky self didn’t realize there was a camera that I was standing directly in the frame of.  The rest is history…
(Idk how to embed, just click the link below, tell me if it doesn’t work.  Technology n00b here.)

http://www.flotrack.org/embed/ODc0MTA4MDIw?related=1http://www.flotrack.org/embed/ODc0MTA4MDIw?related=1<p><a href=”http://www.flotrack.org/video/108020-Best-Blooper-of-2008″>Watch more videos on Flotrack</a></p>

Seconds 1:38-1:48
Official tells me that it’s just about time for awards for my race and I should head over there (I won the weakest event at NON).

I never was a good listener.

1:50
I decide I’m gunna stick around and “get some water” first.

There was no turning back after this point.

1:50-2:13
I’m hanging out off camera, not ruining Emma’s interview. Good boy Zach!

WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST STAY THERE, DUDE??

2:14-2:16
WTF ARE YOU DOING ZACH???  This is where it starts. It only gets worse from here on out.

HOPE YA DIDN’T MISS ME WHILE I WAS GONE, BABY

2:30
I’m not sure if that’s steeple water, or ass sweat.  Either way it’s making an appearance in the video.

Yep. Def. Ass sweat

2:35
Dear lord. I’m wiping snot off my face with my elbow.  Somebody come tell me I’m in the way of this interview, please God!

Nah man fuck tissues. I gots elbows.

2:42
Notice how many sips I took of this small water cup.  Wanna know a secret? There wasn’t any water left in there.. Kill me now.

Sippin on some of that air.

2:47
As if I couldn’t do anything more embarrassing than stalk this poor girl and ruin her interview, I scratch my butt.

Yep, that’s the spot!

3:11
I give up, finally, maybe some other time.  One track mind, off to awards now, better hurry!

I’m just gunna pretend I wasn’t awkwardly creeping and go get my award meow

3:16
I start jogging. WHY, NOO WHYYY

3:19
You can hear a loud “bing” type noise.  The noise that is made when a spike collides with an inside rail and a dorky runner falls on his face on the infield.

The Grand…

FINALE.

3:20
Ryan starts laughing, knowing he got this whole thing on tape.

3:22
I walk off in shame as an official comes to try and help me.

It was painful reliving this.  I’d like to think I’m less awkward and dorky by now. Idk my girlfriend  and close friends might tell you otherwise.

But this is the 4 year anniversary, as Flotrack tweeted, of this monumental event in my life.  I think I can finally look back on it and say “wow, haha, what a dork I was! Glad I grew up!”

My sincerest apologies, Emma, if you ever were to read this, for any embarrassment I may have caused you.  Despite my actions in this video I am not a creepy stalker.  Good luck at the trials, we’re all hoping to see you kick some ass!  And maybe, one day, if you’ll forgive me, an interview for this blog would be great!

I have 40 shirts I need to sell and all I need to do is set up the online store.  More info on that in the next post.  Until next time…

Eat. Run. Swag.

Cross Country 2011: Tips for Incoming Freshmen Pt. 1

20 Aug

I’ve been quite lazy with my posting lately y’all.  I’m sorry ❤  I was busy driving across the country and turning my swag on in Kansas, Wisconsin, and finally upstate New York. Here, here’s proof:

"1, 2, 3, Not only you and me"- Britney Spears

“1, 2, 3, Not only you and me”- Britney Spears ❤

Anyway, as of yesterday, Cross Country 2011 has officially begun for us Wolverines (Via our first practice yesterday).  We have the largest freshman class we’ve had in a long time, by far.  That inspired this post (or series of posts over the next few days).

NATTY'S, BE READY 4 IT

I made so many mistakes as a freshman.  I’m here to help y’all so you don’t make the same mistakes I did.  I’m going to do a series of posts with tips and advice. Here’s the first installment.

College!! You made it!

TIP NUMBER ONE:  HIGH SCHOOL NEVER HAPPENED

Who cares how fast you were in high school. You’re in college now.  Nobody wants to hear about that time you ‘totally killed that course record at district’.
A.) You run an 8k/10k now (or 4/6k for girls right?), your HS times are irrelevant.
B.) You could have been a national champion in HS but that doesn’t guarantee success in college. Some no-name walk on may just show up and kick your ass.
C.) The Kenyans you’re about to race walked at a faster pace than your PR 5k time when they were 6 year olds making their daily 20 mile trek to school.
D.) DONT, EVER, FOR ANY REASON, wear your high school letter jacket around campus. Earn a college varsity jacket like a real man.

TIP NUMBER TWO: DON’T RACE WORKOUTS TO IMPRESS THE COACH/UPPERCLASSMEN

While being one of the top runners on your team the first week in September may seem super cool, it’s not much fun when you’re injured and not on the travel squad in November when the real racing occurs.  I’ve definitely had difficulty not going too hard too soon but I think I’ve finally got the hang of it.  Your upperclassmen, if they are any good, will warn you about the dangers of overdoing it in the early season. Listen to them. They’ve been there, done that.

Don't be like this guy (drinking and driving is bad)

TIP NUMBER THREE: DON’T DATE A GIRL ON THE TEAM AS A FRESHMAN

First of all, you probably shouldn’t date anybody as a freshman. Freshmen girls are all about ‘finding themselves’ through a series of 4 lokos and frat guys.  You want to get cheated on or dumped? Then date a freshman.  But def. don’t date a freshman on your team while you’re a freshman.  Anything goes wrong in that relationship, and it will I guarantee you, and voila the whole girls team in your class hates you.  Plus, unless you have some ‘special equipment’ you probably don’t want the girls on your team discussing your performances off the track.

If any of y’all wanna ‘holla at me’ though, let me know 😉      Just kidding I’m 20, I do not wish to be with you during your first time drinking. I don’t wanna come visit you in your dorm. I don’t wanna go to meet ‘lax bros’ and go to the ‘chill frat bro house’.

OFF LIMITS GUYZ.

More tips to come in the following days…
EAT RUN SWAG.