Rupp and Solinsky Suffering from Rare Disorder

Disclaimer: THESE QUOTES ARE NOT REAL. THIS IS A HUMOR BLOG. DON’T TAKE WHAT I SAY TOO SERIOUSLY. DON’T SUE ME.

While the inability of Rupp and Solinsky to finish races has both shocked and pissed off fans across the nation this summer, it is now evident from recent tests at the Nike lab that they are both suffering from a new and rare disorder. American Born Distance Runner Syndrome (ABDRS).  

Rupp-  “It’s really great to finally have a diagnosis.  It’s been a real struggle to complete big races this summer but little did I know it was just because I was born in the US!  I thought it was that silly pollen!”

Both athletes were sent to the lab after their absolute failure at the recent Diamond League 5000m race in Monaco.  At first the falls of both athletes were blamed on Ethiopian runner Imane Merga.  But after using common sense analyzing the video, it was evident that a 100 pound Ethiopian knocking 200 pound Chris Solinsky off the track was highly unlikely.

Merga

vs.

Solinsky

The lab tests revealed that the source of the problems of the two runners stemmed from the fact that they were both born here in the US.

Solinsky- “You know, I don’t know how I didn’t realize I had this disorder earlier.  Lagat and Farah have been making us look like little sissies all year but they both have something in common: Neither was born in the country that they currently represent.  Plus that Manzano guy is from Mexico right?”

It’s true. Bernard Lagat, the current hope for an American distance medal at the upcoming WC’s was born in Kenya.  Mo Farah, the UK’s most recent running phenom was born in Somalia.

Rupp (and Farah’s) coach Alberto Salazar is not worried, however.
Salazar- “White people can win races, I’m sure of it. Remember that time I won Boston? We just need to develop better technology than Kenya and Ethiopia.  I’m currently researching skin-dye pigment and I’ve been meeting with James Cameron to see if gene transplanting is possible.  Remember that time I won Boston? That was cool huh?”

Technology is the key, says Salazar

Both Schumacher (Solinsky’s coach) and Salazar have started a new training regimen that really focuses on crossing the finish line.
Schumacher- “I guess it’s one thing you don’t really think about when training.  Kenyans and Ethiopians just know how to cross the line, it’s part of their genetics.  For these American-Born runners it’s just a little more difficult.  At the end of every workout I’ve been painting a little white line at the finish for Chris to cross.  The first few times he (Solinsky) dropped out of the workout about 800m early and yelled at me that he was pushed.  When I told him ‘Chris, you’re the only one out here’ he teared up and said ‘I know..’.  After admitting to the problem, he’s finishing most of the workouts I give him now. It’s a real step forward.”

Rupp has been noticing improvements as well.
“It was really starting to effect many other aspects of my life, you know, not finishing.  I starting cooking breakfast the other day, two eggs over easy, and halfway through I just kind of walked away.  Had Salazar not stayed the night nobody would have been there to smell the smoke and prevent my house from burning down.  And things have been really tough with the wife lately..it was hard enough to get a wife, and this whole not finishing thing is taking a toll.  Since the new pills Alberto has been making me take along with practicing not falling I’ve been able to ‘finish’.  I’m looking forward to WC’s.  As long as the pollen-count is nice maybe I’ll finish.  Maybe.”

With a month until the WC’s in Daegu, both athletes have plenty of time to work on the downfalls of being an American-Born distance runner.  If they use their time wisely, maybe we’ll see some successful performances there.  If not, we still have Lagat.

Swagged Out Runner of the Year: Lukas Verzbicas

Thanks for letting me do this Lukas. I don’t know whether you go by Luke, Lukas, or Lukas-Bieber, so I’m going to call you LV.

The 400m of the race I was in front of LV before getting absolutely destroyed

There have probably been a ton of articles about you on the web, but it’s safe to say this one will be a little different. Before putting together these interview questions, I went to a couple of online running message boards and asked actual runners of all ages what they wanted to know about you. Here’s what America, the greatest country on Earth, wants to know about you.

Did Bieber steal your haircut, or did you steal his?
Who’s Justin Bieber???

Baby, Baby, Baby Ohhh

What kind of product do you use for it?
Mane & Tail

LV, he's an animal.

Do you have a girlfriend?
At the moment no, had to end all relationships before leaving to Oregon 😦 It sucks.

What is your idea of a perfect romantic evening with the girl of your
dreams (the girls want to know, so try and be specific with this one!)
Anything would be perfect with the girl of my dreams but if I had to choose I would make her a really nice dinner, then we would go out to a concert (either John Mayer or Dave Matthews Band) that’s at a beautiful park where afterwards we would walk around in the dark holding hands while eating ice cream. Once we have nothing more to say to each other we would just gaze at the stars and end up kissing. We would have to be in the moment to know where things go on from there…

2 is always better than 1

Do you have any interesting/odd talents?
I can hold my breath under water for a ridiculously long time, never lost that contest. I can go without sleep for days. I hold one of the records at my old basketball club for most free throws made (I can’t remember the exact amount, but I wasn’t good enough to pursue it over
running).

Pic taken right after LV held his breath under water for 3 days.

If you had to choose one sentence/quote/phrase that describes the way
you live your life, what would it be? 
Find something you are passionate about and do it with enthusiasm,
then you will never have to call it work.

What is your favorite animal, and why?
Gazelle, when I was little I was told I look like one when running.

Looks just like you bro

Are there any other sports that you are good at?
Basketball all the way.

*Insert Only Plays 3 Quarters Joke Here

Favorite Book?
Way of the Peaceful Warrior and 4 Hour Body

Favorite Movie?
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never… Haha just kidding. Being a runner I’m sort of obligated to say Without Limits, but I actually love the movie so it’s okay. I’m also a big fan of Where The Wild Things Are and Bruno.

LV <3's Bruno

How much can you bench press?
Never tried it, but probably more than you suspect. Swimming requires arm strength.

OK, on to the running questions.

For these first few, I have had several requests from high school
runners wanting to know about how you have trained these past several
years.

What kind of summer training did you do in high school to build your base (mileage, cross training)?
My training consisted of swimming, biking, running. This is a lot different than what high school runners do so I cannot really relate. Per week Average: 20,000-25,000 yards swimming, 110-130 miles biking, 30-40 miles running. The endurance and strength work is done in the pool, while speed and speed-endurance is done on the bike and run. This means that unlike typical triathletes I don’t bike over 40 miles at a time but it’s usually fast. Running is usually always some kind of workout unless it’s a shake out run. Swimming is where the recovery and endurance work is completed.

Did you do workouts in the summer? If so, how early in the summer did
you start them and how often did you do them?
Of course I do workouts. They are all done through out the entire summer, but as I said it’s not just running so that’s a little different.

Did you have a favorite workout in high school that you would do often?
I really enjoy fartleks, it’s hard but it produces amazing results. In high school it would typically be 8×2 minutes with 2 recovery in between, or ladder 1-2-3-2-1 twice or three times with same recovery in between.

Lulz

Out of all of your impressive victories and races, which one meant the most to you, and why?
Running sub 4 means the most to me. Maybe my two-mile time is more impressive but I’m most proud of the sub 4 because of the conditions that it was achieved in. Rain, wind, and the best high school competition in history made it so much more meaningful to me.

FREAKING MANIMAL

Ok, with the internet being full of rumors, usually false, let’s just
clear some things up so no more dumb rumors will go around.

State it here for all to see: Will you be attending, and competing for, the University of Oregon next year?
I don’t know why that would be a rumor, but yes Oregon for all those.

At the current moment (and I know many things may change with coaching decisions and how you perform on the track on college), when do you think you will focus your efforts on the triathlon again?
Unless running isn’t working out I don’t think I’ll be focusing at all on the tri, maybe just a recovery swim or bike here and there but nothing serious.

Would you attribute a lot of your success to the strength you gained in the triathlon?
Most definitely, the aerobic base I have from triathlon I couldn’t have ever gotten in running alone.

The Champ is Here

What are your biggest goals for the future? (Running, Tri, a career, anything)
Don’t want to reveal too much, I like to keep the anticipation, but a team national championship in the present and the Olympic Games down the road are a must for me.

LV, you should do a tri on this.

I have decided to award you the High School Runner Swag-Star of the Year award (The HSRSSOTY , It’s super prestigious).
I believe you deserve this award for absolutely crushing the souls of every high school runner you’ve raced in your penultimate HS year. In addition, the swagger you bring to the track has been very impressive.
I thought your finish at Footlocker, while some less important people found it cocky, was awesome. Take it all in when you finish, enjoy the moment, why rush through it right? Congratulations on receiving this award.

SWAG ME OUT

Time for your award speech!
Thank you very much! It sounds a lot cooler than many other awards I’ve received so it is definitely meaningful to be recognized in such a way. I think distance running needs a persona from its athletes that is cool and hip or as we like to call it “swag”. Seems to me we have that in high school and even at the college level, but we have to carry it over to the pro level as well. I mean look at Usain Bolt and sprinting, we have do something similar to what he is doing. Anyway I don’t want to get too bashed for saying such suggestions, there always seems to be someone who will criticize me and say his or her idea is better, but hey I’ve grown pretty used to it by now. I love reading about track online and the great things our fans love to say to us athletes, it’s just one more thing that makes distance running so unique to be a part of. So thanks again, it really means a lot, even if it’s just to me.

Any Shout-Outs?
I would be no where near where I am today without my family, thank you so much. They taught me almost everything I know and I’m glad my parents are moving on to spread their knowledge to other athletes as coaches right now. Also my friends and the community I live in, Orland park, is so great. The support is nothing like I expected, it’s really been the best these last few years, I will really miss this place, thank you.

Lukas V, a family man.

Athlete Profile: Becca Addison

My fellow Americans, today I introduce to y’all a new blog feature I intend to do at least once a month.  I will be interviewing some of the nation’s top athletes so you can learn some of their secrets to success.  Also, through the revealing and challenging interview questions that I ask, you can learn about the actual character and personality of these super legit runner folk.

Before beginning this article I’d like to say thanks to Becca for allowing me to do this interview and putting up with my weird questions.  Thanks Becca you’re the best!

The subject of the first Athlete Profile blog is the University of Michigan’s very own Becca Addison:

Nice smile bb!

Becca Addison is going into her Junior Year as a Big 10 Champion, All-American, and currently has a personal best of 2:03 in the 800!!!

I chose to interview Becca first because not only is she incredibly talented, but she is also one of my favorite people.  Living in the same house as her for a Spring Term in 2010, our friendship developed into what it is today.  I killed a spider for her once, it was big.

Brookwood Street Pimpin

I called her up for the interview since I am home in Texas for the summer and here is how it went:

Me- First I’ll start off with some non-running questions so people can get to know you beyond just your running accomplishments.  So here’s the first question, you ready?

Becca- Yes, I think so

Me- If you could be any animal on a carousel what would you pick and why?

Becca- A frog. I just like them.

Frogs, she just likes them.

Me- Is it true that you have beaten Tetris Friends? (www.tetrisfriends.com)

Becca- It took me many months, but now I can beat it almost every time.  The secret is to play on survival mode.  I didn’t know that the normal goal of the game is to rack up as many points as you can, I was just playing to beat the game.

Me- So, you always play to win?

Becca- Yes.

All I do is win win win no matter what

Me- What do you think is the solution to the debt crisis?

Becca- I’m not really good at politics.

Politics? Too serious.

Me- If your life was a movie, what would it be titled?

Becca- Awkward Endeavors

Awkward Endeavors: Rated PG-13

Me- Who is your collegiate/pro runner crush?

Becca- Umm…Jeremy Warniner.   No…wait, Walter Dix!

Becca likes her men to have SWAG

Me- Please tell me (and the readers of this website) about your love for cats

Meow.

Becca- My love for cats was there in high school, but it has continued to grow in college.

So much love for those cats

Me-Tell me about the “Kitty Glamour Shotz” that you like to do

Becca- I do glamour shots with my cat named Emma.  She doesn’t seem to mind.  She just sits there with her eyes closed so I assume she likes it.  She really likes the camera

I can has picnic

Me- Have you done glamour shots with any other cats?

Becca- No, just Emma.  I tend to smother other cats too much and freak them out

Snow cat pulling a native american on a sled.

Me- What is your favorite thing about me?

Becca- Your zest for life.

So much zest!

Me-  Now on to the running part.  I want to know some of your secrets to success and I’m sure the readers do too. So when did you first start running?

Becca- 8th grade.  I ran the 100 and the 200.  I was super nervous all of the time.

Young Becca. Becca, I'm truly sorry for putting this on here.

Me- Did you play any other sports?

Becca- I was a gymnast from age 5-14.  Then I broke both of my hands.

Couldn't find a pic of Becca as a gymnast. So here's Kerri Strug.

Me- So I’ve heard your parents were pretty good at running, tell me a little about that.

Becca- My parents met when they were both running for Nike in Eugene, Oregon.  They were both in Russia and my dad asked my mom to dance.  She said no.  They hit it off better later on.

Her dad front and center

Me- Tell me why you’re so good

Becca- Because I’m so competitive.

Beast Mode.

Me-What are your goals?

Becca- I just want to get faster every year.

Me- Howabout sub 2?

Becca- Sub 2 would be crazy..

Me- Do it.

Sub 2, coming soon.

Me- Would you like to give any shout outs?

Becca- Id like to say hi to my soulmate, Jill Smith, my soulmate in running and in life ❤  And I’d like to send out a shout-out to my litter mates!

Soulmates ❤